Recently I have had something happen to me that really
brought me low and almost made me want to give up on everything. Someone I had
gotten extremely close to and who was extremely close to me (or at least I
thought), and who I grew to love deeply suddenly had a change of heart out of
the blue. Actually I loved him from when I first saw him. He had said often how much he loved me and that he was in love with
me. We had been talking about getting married and how much we loved each other.
How we could not wait to be together as husband and wife. But he suddenly
changed his mind and broke my heart into a million pieces. This happened only a
week after he had said how much he loved me and asked me for my ring size. Not
only did he end our relationship abruptly but there was no friendship in the
separation and he did it in a way that was very mean and cruel. We started off as such
good friends (or so I thought). I was deeply hurt by his treatment of me and
how easy it was for him to walk away from me, drop me and leave me in the dust. I didn't understand how he could go from being so loving and enthusiastic about me and us to completely cold.
With all that said, since then I've been working on raising
my own vibration, connecting with myself and forgiving and letting go of
situations and people who have hurt me. I started doing a meditation on
focusing on feeling my connection with God and that higher plane. I noticed
that it starts to feel like there is me, and another part of me that is looking
at me and all of the things that I think about. This other part of me, or
higher part of me is all forgiving and seeing. As I was meditating I thought
about this man who I loved (and still do) and how he had hurt me…but then I
started to think about him as a little boy and a baby. I remembered some things
he had told me about his childhood that he had gone through. I remember how I felt when he told me about
those things, and how I wanted to hug him and be there for him and love him.
Suddenly as I started to think of him as a tiny
human being who had been hurt just as I was (though not in the same way) hurting at
that moment and from there I was able to be in a forgiving state. The hurt and
anger I felt from how he treated me and closed the door on us seemed to get smaller while the love in my heart for him
as a human being grew larger. I felt big from that view, my heart felt big. It
was a better view from there as opposed to being that first part of myself who only
saw the hurtful situation.
I think if we can look at everyone through new eyes,
eyes that see the whole picture and eyes that see the real person behind the “evil
deeds” then we can truly move past hurts quicker and forgive and let go with
ease. I did that meditation because I truly wanted/want to let go because the
sadness and anger was only hurting myself.
Additionally in order to move on and get past hurts,
for me I stopped visiting the past. The past is what creates the thoughts that
make me sad. Once I stopped incorporating the past into my thoughts and life I
noticed that I feel lighter. The past also includes reminiscing about how it
was with my ex, or how he made me feel. Once I stop focusing on that and focus
on now and what I want going forward that has made healing able to take place. I'm not saying that I'm completely healed from that situation. There are times that I still cry, but I feel that looking at my ex from this perspective is very helpful in me completing the cycle of moving on and finally letting go.
I’ll probably never get an answer from my ex or from
any other source as to why he ended our relationship so rudely and without
feeling or concern for me. Maybe I’ll never know, but maybe the whole point of
this situation was for me to experience forgiveness.
Well sorry for the book everyone, and also sorry for
how long it’s been since I've posted! :O
Have a great week and blessed be! <3 M.
